Sweet Thing

If you would have asked me in 2000, what my "Medium" collection would have have looked like, I would have said MP3, eBooks, etc.  I now have found myself collecting and purchasing the physical media more then ever.  With the release of the Kindle/iPad, it was supposed to revolutionize the way we lived and read.  It didn't in my case.  The iPod has changed how I listen to music on the go but not at home.  Doesn't change the fact that I like to feel a book in my hand, flip through record inserts and hold a piece of art in my hand.  The fact that people will not be doing any of this in a few years is upsetting to me.  They are missing out on something special.  Question to ponder..

How can companies honestly charge a few dollars less for a digital version when you arent getting anything other then 0's and 1's?  Sell the medium, give the digital for free...The art lives...

The Hope Conspiracy - Hope Bound Heart

I dont know what is harder.  Coming to the realization that the world isn't what you want it to be or that life continues to move all around you without consulting you first.  When you get that punch in the face from the right and not the left, it hurts even more.  I guess this is a month that shall live inside me more then the previous 8.  This is the defining one and will show me what I am and what I have become.  Less then 1.5 months until surgery so lets keep it going correct and moving forward and not stalled in past.  I will continue to live in the present and see life as it is, not at it could or should and can be...just is.

I leave for South Carolina in a few days for a wedding.  Bow tie is ready to be unleashed.  I look hot, not gonna lie.  I am siked to see my brother and niece again and spend some time with them.  Not looking forward to the drive but it will be nice to be on the road, thinking and seeing the roads ahead....

I've got 100 resolutions, but I've got no solutions...

When this whole spiritual journey started, I didn't know where things were going to take me.  I knew that I wanted to feel something, what that thing was, I was quite sure.  I know I wanted to feel at peace with both myself, others I held close and the world around me.  How this was going to be done was the question.  I started reading and studying and talking to people.  It was amazing what I learned and what was more amazing was what I learned about myself.  I learned to love myself for who I was, not who I could be.  It was an amazing feeling that I didn't think was entirely possible.  Meditation helped bring me to this spot that I am at and I have to say this journey has been amazing.

Through all my studying, I kept coming across this word renunciation.  I always played it off as not necessary or I would be able to allow things to happen and not renounce.  BUT, I have learned that is truly not possible.  I have learned that you cannot give your suggestions or feelings on topics that do not directly effect you.  By doing so, you are directly or indirectly judging others and this is not right.  You also do not know what people ulterior motives are.  Regardless of the outcome, it can negative effects on you that you did not foresee.  From this day forward, I will be working on the practice of renunciation.  I will give my opinion only when needed but will not be getting involved in peoples decisions and peoples lives.  You cannot trust people to always have positivity in their hearts, some are wolves in sheep clothing but you cannot tell this until it is too late. 

This doesn't mean I am going to be a different person, this just means I am taking a step back from everyone and letting them get things together.  I will listen and give opinions ONLY when asked but I cannot suggest what you should do.  Unfortunately, I cannot take back the advice I gave someone special to me when I didn't know how wrongly it would be handled.  I am also at fault for other reasons but these are things I will also learn from and live by to never do again.  This entry was hard to write because of the emotion I have behind it.  I didn't want to be too descriptive but I also didn't want to be so vague that I lost everyone reading this.

Small Change Got Rained On, With His Own .38....

I am sitting in the back seat of my parents car after a long weekend and an even longer drive back from NC.  DAMN YOU VIRGINIA! It was awesome to see my brother but even better to see my beautiful niece.  It can get really upsetting to not see her grow up.  Every time I see her, she is so much older, more beautiful and even smarter then the last time.  At breakfast this morning, it was decided that we will re-enact Bad Boys 2 when she gets to the dating age.  I will drive or fly to NC and open the door for the lucky boy.  He will shit is pants when he sees The Uncle Bean and the Father.

We ended up going to a children's museum in Raleigh called Marbles.  Tash literally ran around for hours discovering stuff, creating art and learning so much.  It was amazing watching her go.  My brother is a great father and kept up with her the entire time and did everything and anything she wanted.  I watched the other parents just let their kids go and have 0 interaction with them.  Sad to see the disconnect from parent and child at such a young age, but you can only hope they will learn their lesson.  We also went to the worst outlet mall in history on Sat.  I was siked to see a Used Book store because I was pretty much finished with my current one (The Alchemist...READ IT).  I walked in and noticed that 3/4 of the store was Christian Books and in EVERY sub-genre you can imagine.  They had 1 rack of fiction. 1 rack.  I guess thats the south for you....

I can't believe the change my life has taken since January.  I never thought that while I was in Boston for work last week, I would walk 4 miles to a Shambhala Center for meditation and Dharma discussion or starting tomorrow, I would become Vegan for real this time.  Seeing things from the outside and seeing how much you decisions cost others, it really makes you stop and think.  When you start to look at all living creatures as sentient beings and knowing that you should not consciously cause suffering, it really makes you think about your actions.  Things are going really well but at the same time I have a void deep down inside me that has always been a "thorn in my side".  Starting on Saturday, I start volunteering at the Soup Kitchen.  I am really looking forward to it.  Hopefully it will be extremely rewarding and I will feel that I am using my energy to help others.  The following weekend, I think I am going to a Puppy Mill awareness rally with my good friend April.  Hopefully being active will help fill some of the emptiness I am feeling.  Surgery is coming up in less then 2 months.  Not looking forward to it but looking forward to my shoulder actually being fixed.  My biggest concern is coming out of anesthesia.  I always have such a hard time with it and always get really sick.  It sucks.  BUT...Back to work tomorrow.  I am almost to my house and I will get my ass to sleep.  Work and DharmaPunx meditation session tomorrow night.  Lets keep the POSI ish flowing...